my thoughts

Wishlist!

2009-10-22T15:36:00.002+08:00

Cham... haven't even start work, I already have a chunck of things that I wanted to do & buy. I wonder if my salary can really support my living expenses. lol

1) Made a jap perm hairdo ~$200
2) A black working bag. ~$200
3) A laptop ~$1000
4) A watch
5）Going holiday in Nov 2009.
6) Learn driving
7) armchair
8) A nice cloth for my mum
9) Grad photo

Control control!!! I must wait till I earn my first pay.

4 days left

2009-10-22T14:20:00.006+08:00

4 days left of freedom and 'nua' life. I can feel the limited time to be a carefree and 幸福 unemployed citizen. Time is really running out. I got to treasure every seconds and minutes now.

This Mon-Wed I was really doing nth at all, except having sushi buffet with Xiuping on Tues, helping Dear with data-entry in his business, and seeing TCM doctor regarding my knee injury yesterday. I think I've found a very good doctor finally, and I got the feeling that my knee will recover soon under his treatment. I hope it will be my last search too. Finally, after seeking treatment from Ma Guang, house-based 推拿 sinseh, polyclinic, JMC orthopedic doc, JMC physiotherapy, Alexandra MRI, SGH physiotherapy, I found a good and professional TCM doc in 张磊诊疗所。 I had wanted to try seeking his treatment, but after the two failure 推拿 treatment. I had phobia to look for TCM treatment. However, the modern western technology didn't prove to be of help either. Due to the unbearable knee pain and hoping that 张磊 will not hire a unprofessional and low standard 推拿 partner to spoil his reputation, I made up my mind to give it a try for the 推拿 treatment in 张磊诊疗所. Fortunately, I had a bright hope to recover fully, even though I nearly fainted from the scary medical bills ($91).

Today, I wake up at 11am, read a chinese newspaper and then had 'brunch' with my mum at a neighbourhood coffee shop. Afterwhich I met with one of my tutee's parent, who is also my mom's friends, after the 'brunch' as we were all living in the same area. She was telling me that her daughter was so excited when she finally passed her mathematics mock test at 60% after the intensive tuition in school and at home. She told me that her daughter had always been scoring 10-30% in her grade and this improvement really gave her a perk. I appeared quite calm but actually I was also very excited within. I really feel very happy for her daughter and feel especially contented that my effort in this one month of intensive tuition show some results. She has made a 50% improvement in her grade after my guidance. Of course, I knew that the students mark does not prove the capability of the teacher as the students results still depend on their own willingness to learn and motivation to improve. However, it does gave me an encouragment and self-regconition that I've been a responsible and 'not-bad' tuition teacher after all. Being a tuition teacher, the sense of satisfaction undenying come from the improvement of the student's academic results.

After 'brunch', I helped my mother to enquire about a certified english courses organized by WDA and was really happy that they opened classes for beginners level that is suitable for my mum. My mother was really worried that she can't cope with this kind of english courses as she has very weak command of English. As low as only able to understand ABC. However, the WDA person told me that the courses will be no problem for that level as they only taught students very basic usage of English, as simple as teaching them to say 'How are you?'. Another good news is that the course is only $72.50 (inclusive of entry test) and the lesson will be held in bukit panjang! This is so wonderful man. Its affordable, convenient and most importantly, this course suits my mum and the certificate is well-recognised! So I am sponsoring my mum to it! There she gave me a hug. ^_^ However, there's conditions applied of course. If she's not able to fulfill the minimum 75% attendance criteria, she will have to pay the full course fees which is amounted to $1000.

For now, I have to settle the medical checkup, work reporting time and other minor details. Later, I'm going to find Dear's daddy birthday prezzie and had a nice movie.

Friday, I am going kusu island to ask for blessings before I start work. Then had dinner with Dear's family.

Sat, I'm going for medical checkup, tuition then maybe have my facial.

Sun, tuition and maybe read some books and prepare for work.

Well, today the weather is windy, the Sun is warm and the breeze are embracing my cheek. I am enjoying every minute of carefree life I own now!

Finally Non-Jobless

2009-10-20T07:24:00.002+08:00

After 5 months of job hunting, FINALLY a job has landed on me, FINALLY. The days of having to worry of being classified as unemployed is finally over. I'm also gladful that now instead of having to answer that I'm still looking for jobs, I can tell them I am in 2nd round interviews, I am deciding to choose which job to finally when am I starting work.

5 months of job hunting is actually quite a long and dragful journey that its actually a job itself. Although to be exact, I only pick up myself to job hunt after late july when I fully recovered from my sickness. Continue another day. Sleepy.

2009-10-20T06:27:00.004+08:00

My knee pain come back again. Its really a very sian feeling. Its like: you have alot of things that you've planned to do (e.g. travelling, exercising, swimming, roller blading etc) but you know very well that you can't risk doing any of them to worsen your injury. Another part of the sian feeling is that this is caused by my own stuborness for not daring to reject the trip when u knew u've injured yourself two days before the trip. The weakness of not daring to say 'NO'.

But anyway, this pain is not the focus. It just happen to be a reason that I can't sleep at a time of 4am. Talk to dear just now. Then read some magazine. Browse through the email and msn. Then came across a friend's msn nick that state 'No more Mr Nice guy'. I don't know why, I feel a quite irritated by his statement. Does he mean himself? If it is so, I really feel like punching him. If you want to be No more Mr nice guy, pls also No more Coward guy.

Maybe its because I've some prejudice against you now. But I really feel that he needs to realise something: Not being a nice guy anymore won't make you happier. I personally feels that the main source to his unhappiness is his timid to face interpersonal conflicts. Long time ago, I remember he ask me for a truthful opinion about what I think of him. At that time, I really can only tell him that he is a very helpful and good friend. At that point of time, he would also pester me to ask for his weakness, saying 'good friends should also tell the weakness'. I didn't state really any as I told him I have not been studying or working with him for a long time, so I couldn't give any accurate advice. But now, I really want to tell him that his greatest weakness is always hiding or avoiding from problems involving people.

I tried to ask him out to have a chat with him just a week ago without stating what I wanted to chat about. I thought that to say everything out on msn is not helpful at all as its a mean of hiding our true feeling. ITs not going to solve anything. But somewhat prepared for it, he told me to tell him what is that I want to talk about on msn. It gets me even more irritated when he told me 'why so secretive, if you don't say here I don't go' having said that I dun like to chat on msn.

Why is he so protective, or in my mind 'coward'. What is he afraid of? What's the point of telling him on the illusion msn world. Can everything be solved on virtual land, where you can't see the others, hear the others voice? I have taken this step out because I do treasure this friendship. I wanted to solve the conflicts that happen during the trip, not to knock him down. I mean, if you don't about anything about the trip since then, either positive or negative experience, it means you know there's a problem and you can't avoid it by silencing it all your life. Sometimes, you may think that after sometime we'll forget about it, but can you really do it? And if you can't, you have to talk about it.

Frankly speaking, I am still very frustrated that he suddenly complain to me about my friends when we were finding seats in a coffee shops and later appear so serene when seated. And worse, when I tried to be objective to state that he has his mistakes for creating the commotion, he shut me up by turning away. What is this!? And after that, you don't even mention a single word about it? You can't expect everybody to be like your guy friends you know.

Just want to vent my irritation out here... I dare not say that I use the best methods to solve the problem. But I think at least I tried to solve the problem. But if the other party is still locking himself up, there's not much I can do. I suppose.

阅读感2：国大 is not equal to 心胸大

2009-09-03T03:21:00.002+08:00

今天又读了一篇文章，里头有句我非常认同的句子：“一个人不管住在小国或大国，如果他未曾走出家门看看外面的世界，心胸肯定是不同的。” 是啊，虽然我们来自蕞尔小岛，没有天然资源，但这并不代表生活在庞大，拥有许多土地与资源的的人们也视野宽阔。所以，不要一直以为我们是个小小的国家而嘲笑我们。要知道，嘲笑只显出你们的愚昧。因为，自要有能力和梦想，有机会看见外头的世界，一个活在小小空间的子民心胸能壮大宽阔。活在大大世界的人们也会因为自满而不愿敞开心胸往外偷看。

俗语说，“读万卷书，不如行万里路。“ 行了万里路才会擦觉倒世上难找完美指出，也同时感觉到自己多么渺小。对新加坡人来说，国小无妨，最重要的是人千万不能小。所谓人不能小，是指两个方面，一是世界，二是心胸。当然，出国的目的若只是去shopping, 流连于小摊小贩之间，或者只是用照相机`摄像机记下“某某到此一游“，并以此作为谈资本；而是用心去探险当地的文化，礼俗和环境。

How to not take things personally.

2009-08-21T06:50:00.001+08:00

http://christinekane.com/blog/how-to-not-take-things-personally-a-practical-guide/

1 – SWSWSWSW

This stands for “Some will. Some won’t. So what? Someone’s waiting!” It means that some people are going to love what you do. Then, there will be those who visit your blog, look at your paintings, listen to your songs, read your poems, review your resume – and they’ll shrug and say, “Yea, not so much.” So what? Somewhere out there someone is waiting for your gift. And if you have to keep working on your craft, or wait a little while, that’s okay!

2 – Remember that people are busy

People are busy. They may not have time for you. Young musicians complain because they try to book a venue, but their emails weren’t answered. They give up. And they get resentful. I tell them the same thing: People are busy. It’s not personal. They just don’t have time to answer every email. (Revisit #1.)

3 – Email is instant. Use accordingly.

Email creates fabulous opportunities to take things personally. (Blog comments, too.) The quickness of our culture has removed much of the etiquette that some of us would normally expect. Most people just “fire it off.” If you get an email that hurts or feels personal, take an hour or so to chill out. Then re-read the email in a kind narrator’s voice. Be careful with the temptation to over-dramatize someone else being in a hurry with his email or comment. For some people, email is quick and easy. It is simply a tool – not a way to make you feel okay about yourself!

4 – Begin each day with presence and proactive-ness

How you begin your day often sets the tone for the day. If you start the day by opening your email and launching your browser, you are opening yourself up to external stuff – some of which may trigger you. Start instead with creative and proactive activities. Some possibilities: meditation, yoga, going to the gym, writing a blog, writing a song/poem, doing morning pages, writing down goals and intents, creating your day in advance. Start with a strong foundation of honoring yourself each day.

5 – Create a “Good Mojo” file

Create a “Good Mojo” folder in your email. Create a file called “Good Mojo” in your file cabinet. Fill these files with kind emails and loving cards from friends or co-workers or fans. If you’re taking things personally, you may as well rummage through these files to find the good messages, the words and cards from people who love what you do. Start keeping this folder and use it when you need it.

6 – Be willing to look like an idiot: Communicate

Recently one of my best friends and I planned to meet each other at a certain time in city we were both visiting. I called her when I was on the way, and in the conversation she said that I could “just go shopping outside of her hotel and she’d come down and meet me later.” Every part of my being shouted, “She’s blowing me off!” I hung up the phone feeling hurt. My drama-queen story-tellers were in the wings putting on their costumes. Before they got on stage, I called her back and I said, “Okay, I’m not trying to be pushy or weird here, but I feel like we had these plans and I don’t understand what happened.” She interrupted and said, “Oh, I’m so glad you called back to clear that up! I got the sense that you needed time and space, and I was trying to let you to have that!” Because I got a little brave and was willing to look a bit needy, we both got to laugh at our miscommunication.

If something feels strange or out of balance, check in with the other person. Take the responsibility. Say, “This may sound strange, but…” Or “I’m afraid I may have said something out of line. Is that possible?” Most people – not all – will be grateful that you cared enough to clear the air.

Note: This is not an appropriate technique in certain professional situations. If, for instance, someone has rejected your work for a gallery or a showcase, refer to #1 above. Don’t call a gallery owner (or promoter or record producer) back and say, “I sense you had some hostility towards me and I’m just checking in because it really hurt my feelings.” Not good.

7 – Beware of collusion

In the situation above, I could’ve chosen not to call my friend back. I could’ve called another friend and vented. I could’ve said, “I’ve come all this way to meet her and what does she say…?” The other friend could get hooked into my story, and we’d waste a whole tonage of energy investing in it. Not worth it. TAKE NOTE: Colluding is the best way to perpetuate the pattern of taking things personally. It takes a deep and committed discipline to shift out of this pattern. That’s because much of what we call friendship in our culture is little more than disliking the same people and staying stuck in our own versions of the truth and requiring that our friends agree with us. Collusion is rounding up people who believe your own illusions. Stop it.

8 – Make a list and move to the next thing

Many of us strategize for the one big thing that will be our “saving grace.” This is a veritable petri dish for taking things personally. You apply for a scholarship to one MFA program. You send your article off to one magazine. You ask only one producer to make your CD. There’s a better way here. Before you send yourself out into the world – be it resume, scholarship, grant, producer, publication – make a list of many options. List all of the publications, grants, employers, options, etc. Move down the list if someone says no. Find that someone who’s waiting.

9 – Shut up and listen

When you listen and quietly observe, you often find that you had it all wrong. You may actually see humor in how you can take everything so personally. Sit down on the floor, lean against a wall and quietly listen to your own breathing. Or, when you’re in a conversation with someone else, stop and listen. Really deeply listen. Try practicing this in every day conversations that aren’t emotional. This will prepare you for moments when you are taking something personally.

10 – Use unemotional language when you communicate

Phrases like “Well, you’re the one who…” and “You took that all wrong!” are inflammatory and do little to help a situation. Try to use language that’s not about the emotions and not about pointing fingers. “I think I didn’t communicate this well so let me try again.” Or, “I’m not sure I understand you. Can we discuss this on the phone?” The challenge is to communicate with unemotional language. Kind of a “here’s the facts ma’am” approach. Write out your desired outcome for the conversation. Get clear inside yourself, and then talk with the other person.

11 – Eat enough. Sleep enough.

Being tired or hungry will always make you more sensitive or irritable. Don’t try to function well if you’re hungry or if you haven’t slept well.

12 – Let the deeper goal be what motivates you

Who you become on your journey is far more meaningful than what happens to you. If you learn how to get beyond taking things personally by witnessing and then choosing a different response, you will eventually become unshakable. You can lose all your money; you can get rotten reviews of your recent work after being lauded for the last one; you can get fired tomorrow – but you can’t lose who you are. You can’t lose your essence. When you become someone who is clear and centered, you will have the tools to move through life no matter what happens externally.

Start with a strong foundation of honoring yourself each day

2009-08-21T05:20:00.000+08:00

Learning note of the day:

Begin each day with presence and proactive-ness
How you begin your day often sets the tone for the day. If you start the day by opening your email and launching your browser, you are opening yourself up to external stuff – some of which may trigger you. Start instead with creative and proactive activities. Some possibilities: meditation, yoga, going to the gym, writing a blog, writing a song/poem, doing morning pages, writing down goals and intents, creating your day in advance. Start with a strong foundation of honoring yourself each day.

Now where to go

2008-12-01T17:03:00.003+08:00

It's been 1 yr since i return back to u again blogger. If I haven read eliza's blog & saw my link, I think I would've forgotten u to infinity..

I am now loitering in school now.. not going to lab, not going to dear's house, & can't return home yet as it is now in a tremendous disaster. We've always been the one enduring other ppl's home renovation noise pollution. Now it's our turn to "take revenge"!!! wahaha =P

Thankfully I've a labtop and a sch to go...

I realise whenever i came back to u.. I'm always not feeling good.. but u look damn new this time. and u can auto save my message! OMG! u've really improve alot blogger! haha..

It's been a bad day for me yst.. Having to listen to scoldings and me scolding others.. That dumb worker 20 yrs ago!!! I hope I can hit u with all my strength! damn irresponsible to cause the disaster to my home.. hope u'll always be a worker and get no where... waste our time, money & got us kena scolded for no reasons. hit u hit u!!!!

Happy New Year 2008!

2008-01-01T02:19:00.000+08:00

转眼之间，三小时前的2007年已变成了历史。现在又是崭新的开始咯！刚才还悠闲地在观新传媒重播的25年旧剧“客家之歌”，窗外就传来了喜悦的尖叫声。原来那一刻已步入了2008年的怀抱，可我却觉得时间只是昔日与今日的相差。唉，我真的是老了，心老了。。。无奈。人就是随时随刻地在成长在老化。
刚刚dear的好友还传简讯邀去 ‘countdown’，我就见他回复：“no, countdown is death。”哈哈。。有什么好countdown的啊，没被挤死就谢天谢地了！哈哈。。。 dear 就说：“人家还是18嘛，我们以前不也是？” 回想起来，我还一时忘了呢。天啊，才差3 年的时间，不不，今天四年了！！！！！ aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...... 我不要！！！！！！！
看看手机，哇，好多简讯，终于又有好多人在这一刻想起了我，哈哈。希望这一刻能成为持久啊。。。=）人类就是可爱的生物，总是会在特定的节日，想起亲朋亲友。而平时就消声匿迹, 我也是 =p 生活实在太忙碌了，很容易就会遗忘周遭的人，而能在平日关心你的人，呵呵，屈指可数。所以，我2008年的愿望就是：

1)学习更珍惜珍惜我的人。

2)过去有许多时候，终觉得付出的诚意与用心，因没被认同，很容易失望。但，现在我明白了顺其自然的道理。有时，学习接受，而不是只淡淡地付出，才会健康。

3)家人与亲友们，都能健康地生活着。

4) 改掉迟到的坏习惯

5）少浪费钱

6）当然当然，希望学业与未来能飞跃虹桥，事事顺利咯！=)

祝大家有个开心的2008年，愿世界和平，save the earth~!

（this post is taking me forever to type, pls pardon my deteriorating chinese)

My birthday wishing tree

2007-12-28T15:00:00.000+08:00

know it's very thick-skinned..but.. to help ya lessen headache.. I do have a few wishes and things i need but i 不舍得买...

1) a big enuf, long lasting and durable school bag( cuz i norm bring very heavy things to sch... all my bag already spoil parts and pieces le.. but still can use la.. =)

2) A pink colour bag (at bukit timah beauty world, from korea.. hee)

3) A memorable memory collection (same wish as yihua's =p)

(hee... dun get me VOO DOO doll le... cuz i realise it's imported from taiwan... and i'm going there soon =p)

Arigatou!!!! anyway.. to update ya.. i'm going to taiwan with baka from 4-10th jan.. =)

laoying